When it comes to horse racing, there are loads of things that we think about. We want to know how easy it is to get to a racecourse, for example, or how we go about the process of placing a bet. We will look at important information such as the form of the horse or how well it works with a particular jockey. We will investigate the experience of both horse and jockey when it comes to the course that the race is being run on and we’ll take a look at how well the trainer tends to do in both the event in question and the location that the race that we’re betting on is taking place.
One of the most influential things to a lot of people, though, is the name of the horse. Although we all accept that we should put a lot more thought into it than just whether the horse is called Mildred’s Way and we had a great aunt Mildred, the truth is that a lot of people do bet on a horse for exactly that reason. It is why so much time and thought is put into the naming of a horse by those that own them, knowing that they might just pick up a few punters who can’t be bothered doing a wealth of research into what they’re betting on. The question is, what have been the best horse names ever?
Bofa Deez Nuts
If we’re honest, it is unlikely that the person that allowed this name to slip through the net was paying much attention when they did so. We have written elsewhere on this site about the rules around the naming of horses and they shouldn’t be rude. That is the same in the United States of America as it is over here, so Bofa Deez Nuts making it to become an official name is surprising at best.
The horse itself was a quarter one, so would run much shorter distances that would expected of thoroughbreds. He has won races, but arguably the funniest thing is that the horse was a gelding.
Two In The Pink
When commentators were calling the race at Kempton Park, they probably didn’t expect to have to declare ‘Two In The Pink’ as the winner. That is exactly what happened, though, with Ralph Smith having trained it to victory.
Obviously it’s not the sort of phrase that you should be Googling any time soon, given the rude connotations of the phrase, but you can have a chuckle at the idea of very serious and professional horse people having to acknowledge its success. Two In The Pink, yes, but one in the winners’ circle, which is all its owners will care about.
Ha Ha Ha
One of the most enjoyable things for horse owners to think about when they’re giving their steeds a name must be imagining what it would be like to hear the commentator say your horse’s name as it runs along. In amongst the melée of a race, commentators have a tricky time getting everything right without needing to think about whether they’ve said the name correctly or not.
Ha Ha Ha must have been a difficult one to deliver, not least of all because it came last twice and was pulled up the same number of times, so saying it without sounding like you’re being cruel must have been impossible.
Hoof Hearted
Another one that seemed to be named specifically to get a laugh from people saying the name out loud, Hoof Hearted might look on paper as though it’s a horse who is in love with the idea of racing. Said out loud, however, and it’s reasonably clear that it is a gag about breaking wind that we should be able to rise above but have to confess to finding quite funny.
The South Africa-based horse struggled to make as big an impact on the course as he will have done in people’s minds, failing to get a win in the ten career starts that he enjoyed and coming in the bottom two more often than not.
Geespot
From one part of the anatomy to another, Geespot was sired by a horse called Pursuit of Love and its mare was My Discovery, so is there is something quite fitting about the title. Discovery a Geespot after pursing some love? Obviously those that hear the name will chuckle to themselves like naughty school kids, but it was a work of genius by the owners to realise what they could get away with here.
Sadly, as many women will doubtless be able to attest, the spot wasn’t hit as often as would have been desired, with Geespot managing two career wins between 2001 and 2004.
ARRRRR
There might well be some debate around ARRRRR and whether it was named in order to make people saying his name sound like a pirate or because it’s the sound that punters make having placed a bet on him only to see him miss out.
He did win a few of the races that he took part in over in the United States, so perhaps it really was just for the amusement of having a commentator sound as though he was dressed with an eye patch and had a wooden leg. Regardless, it was a great name for a horse who will have got a few admirers as a result.
Big Tits
We have to be honest and say that it feels as though any attempt at subtlety was abandoned with the naming of Big Tits. You might well have expected this horse from France to bounce right into the challenge, but in reality the mare struggled to make an impression.
Perhaps better support would’ve led to more impressive performances, but when it came to it she finished no higher than sixth out of seven in a six-race career. Sometimes there just isn’t the requisite liveliness to get a real jiggle from the jockey and the lack of aplomb means you end up rather deflated.
DoReMiFaSaLaTiDo
Commentators are better-known for their ability to quickly give over the necessary information than they are for their beautiful singing voices, but maybe a few of them fancied themselves as something of a Maria when they were calling out the name of DoReMiFaSaLaTiDo in some races.
The good news is that the horse was quick out of the (Von) Trapps, winning a few races in the US. In fact, one of the horse’s favourite things appeared to be winning horse races, with one such success coming in one of the Grade 2 contests that takes place in America.
Passing Wind
It is back to a joke about farting with our next horse, who won two of his races. It meant not many horse passed him but he passed them, with the commentators perhaps having to declare that Passing Wind was making a pass. Obviously the horses that he was up against didn’t want to be directly behind him, which might explain why he won by seven lengths in one of his victories and by a distance in the other.
He was pulled up a couple of times and fell one or twice too, which has its own comedic value if you want to think about it; something to do with passing wind and pulling up.
Wear The Fox Hat
There are more than a few Irish people who take part in the world of horse racing and hearing them say the name of this horse will doubtless have raised a titter. It might look like an instruction to pick out a piece of clothing that would annoy vegans, but say it quickly in an Irish accent and it suddenly sounds as though you’re asking for directions somewhere and not being very polite about it.
For Irish people on the course, it was doubtless lots of fun hearing people say the name of the horse to each other in dreadful Irish accents, chuckling away after clocking what it sounded like.
Maythehorsebewithu
When it comes to winning over punters looking at the name before anything else, Maythehorsebewithu will doubtless have been able to do just that. More than a few Star Wars fans will’ve wanted to put a few bob on him doing well during his career. He won his maiden by a neck, also being unlucky to only finish fifth in the Melbourne Cup.
One of the key questions might be if any of it was on tape, given the fact that if he had just missed out then he could have looked at the race stewards and told them ‘I’m not the horse you’re looking for’ before collecting the winnings.
Whykickamoocow
Is Whykickamoocow a question you might ask someone who has got angry that he hasn’t got any milk or the name of a horse? It is the latter, of course, although it might be what the farmer’s wife said to him after seeing is anger at not being able to enjoy a refreshing drink.
It is one of the daftest names out there, of that there is little doubt, but the fun of it will have seen quite a few bettors decide that he was what they wanted to stake their money on. They might well have wanted to kick him after the race, but obviously we detest any sort of violence against animals and only found this name slightly amusing.
Covfefe
When a horse was named ‘President Trump’, the South African Racing Authority soon got on to it and decided that it wasn’t appropriate, with the owners deciding that ‘Fake News‘ was a better name anyway. Perhaps that is why the owners of this horse decided to be a little bit cleverer with it and named their horse Covfefe.
That is in honour of a tweet that the former President sent when in office, with the message going viral and resulting in countless pieces written about what he was actually trying to say and whether it was a sign that he was losing his mind. He probably just mean ‘coverage.’
Effinex
It might not make much sense when you see it written down purely as it is, but when you realise that the horse was given its title by Dr Russell Cohen as a tribute to his former wife you suddenly realise what he was getting at. He probably ended up having to pay a lot of money to his Effinex, both its training and its race entries.
It was worth while doing so, however, with the colt winning three stake races in 2015. They included the Grade 1 Clark Handicap, missing out to the brilliant American Pharaoh in that year’s Breeders’ Cup Classic, which isn’t to be sniffed at.
Flat Drunk
Horses don’t drink, obviously, so there isn’t anything alcohol related from the horse’s past to explain this name. Instead, it is likely to be just a joke between friends. The horse won as a filly on her debut, which came at Keeneland in 2017. She was then bought privately and, in a move that will have had the superstitious amongst the horse racing community twitching, was renamed in spite of the fact that she had won.
She took on the moniker Bonneville Flats but failed to register a victory with her new name, in spite of the fact that she started 12 races with the title.
Fiftyshadesofhay
Some names are brilliant because they’re a bit rude and give us all a good chuckle, whilst others are excellent because they get the commentator in all sorts of difficult when they try to say it out loud. In the case of Fiftyshadesofhay, we love it because it’s such an excellent pun.
We don’ know whether the owners read the books, but we do know that Fiftyshadesofhay was foaled in 2010 and went on to win five out of 20 career starts. The fact that three of them were graded races might also help to explain how the horses banked its connections more than $1 million in winnings.
